Man who had sex with bicycle sentenced

A “cycle-sexualist” caught half-naked in a compromising position with his bicycle has been put on probation for three years.

Robert Stewart’s unlikely perversion has been analysed in chat rooms around the world after he was caught by two cleaners who walked in on him in a hostel room.

The 51-year-old was naked from the waist down and when the women opened the door he paused only to ask, “What is it, hen?”, before continuing to “move his hips back and forth as if to simulate sex”.

The police were called and at a hearing last month Mr Stewart was placed on the sex offenders’ register after admitting a sexual breach of the peace.

The case has prompted criticism of “loony British laws”, but he ended up in court because the “shocked” cleaners said they had knocked repeatedly before opening the door.

At Ayr sheriff court on the west coast of Scotland today, Mr Stewart was sentenced for the rare offence and for a separate breach of the peace charge for threatening a member of staff in a hostel in the town

The court was told that alcohol was the cause of his problems, and he was placed under the supervision of a social worker and warned that if he re-offended he would be sent to prison.

Sheriff Colin Miller added: “In almost four decades in the law I thought I had come across every perversion known to mankind, but this is a new one on me. I have never heard of a ‘cycle-sexualist’. “

Mr Stewart, an unemployed bachelor, has described the incident as a misunderstanding caused by too much drink, and said claims that he was having sex with the bike were “a load of rubbish”.

His solicitor Gerry Tierney described his client as a “sad little man” who was trying to tackle his drink problem.

He added: “When the cleaners came in, he thought he was having fun with them. He does not think it is funny any more, and he has had to move home three times because he has been targeted because of the offence.”

From the Telegraph

I heard the bicycle was asking for it.

Roller Girls, Denver

April 10, 2008

up close

Saturday I went to see the local Red Riding Hoods play the ICT Roller Girls from Wichita Kansas. I rolled up to the bout after a training ride, and polo that had run long, so I had a good amount of “Messenger Musk” built up. This empowered me to ask to take my bike in, which they kindly obliged. On my way in I paid six dollars for a PBR tall boy, and found some space in the packed house to watch.

The Girls played rough, and a few jams where reset when both jamers ended up in the penalty box. The Hoods laid into the newer ICT girls relentlessly, knocking them down and racking up the points. ICT fought back furiously, but they could not match the more experienced Hoods, and by halftime they where lagging in points and the altitude was showing.

ICT roller girl at Denver

The halftime performance included cheer leaders, and a skate dancer. A raffle, and a competition where men popped balloons by squeezing them against the cheer leaders followed, one of the roller girls fathers participated.

Skate Dancer

The second half played out like the first: fast and rough. The Hoods kept racking up the points, the ICT girls just could not keep up. The bout finished with out any injuries, and the Red Riding Hoods won by a hefty margin. Both teams played well, and when ICT have more experience the tables could turn.

ICT roller girl down

more photos on my Flickr

Pay Day

April 10, 2008

This is one of the funniest blogs I have ever stumbled across on the internet, I thought heavily armed idiots where an American thing.

This Shits Nitro

“I can’t fucking wait for the end of the world, I’m going to go ballsitic. Just think about the fun that could be had if there were no rules, no laws, no way out…”

Yes he takes himself seriously.

Ohh Atlanta

April 7, 2008

first day in Atlanta, GA. The down town was still showing hurricane damage, and the aggressive homeless population gave the city a real Atlas Shrugged feel. Also these signs where every where:

Track Attack Denver

April 7, 2008

hip messenger

Denver Lacks a velodrome, so on Good Friday we met up near the Millenium Bridge. About 30 people turned up, for matched sprints, PBR pick up, longest wheelie, best trick, and a slow race. All events where free to all comers, and they even provided free PBR.

I lost my sprint in the first heat to some one who made it to the finals. I watched some of denvers finest spin their legs off, and caught up with some old friends.

I split off for a beer run, and got back in time to roll out for the PBR pick up. Cans where laid on their side, and the rides circled around them, on “go” we moved in, and tried to grab some beer. There was some pushing for position, and i rolled up to can I like the look of, leaned over for it, and fell. I looked around,

most people had done the same and only 3 rides remained on the feild, each had a few cans, but the court was still littered with them. The winner had over ten cans tucked under his hoodie, after getting his prize we head the first one hit the ground and burst.

There where some good wheelies, and tricks, one guy spun a wheel on his head while track standing, but the highlight for me was the slow race. At the line I teamed up with the guy next to me, he had his left hand on the outside of his drops, i put my left on his stem, his right on my stem, and my right on my drops. This worked really well as we balanced the other, we were a good 3 feet behind the pack, when my partner slipped, and I went the other way.

I didn’t leave with a prize, but I had a good time.